Monday, May 31, 2004
I have temporarily lost the ability to feel. I have seen countless people go through the same thing, but nothing prepared me for this moment. It was all so sudden. I have gone past disbelief, shock, anger, pain, and sorrow. I have lost him, and I feel as though nothing was left of me.
I am almost afraid to go back to Butuan. I am terrified at the thought of stepping into his room, where we have spent countless nights talking about the God, speculating about what He has planned for the family. We would watch the sunset on the porch every night, and we would talk some more. We have lived with no one but each other for three months, but we never got tired of being with each other. We never ran out of things to talk about, and even in silence, I would feel warm and safe in his presence.
It will take a lot of time before my life goes back to normal. The best I can hope for is for me to be numb through it all.
Saturday, May 29, 2004
It's been a long time since I've gone out dancing. Although I have long graduated from my college party animal days, doing this once in a while can still definitely be fun. What started out as a senseless, almost reckless drinking spree ended on a thoughtful note as we talked about love; idealisms, realities and ironies. I guess the bottomline is that you cannot choose whom you fall in love with, but there is only so much you can compromise to make a relationship work. There is fine line between being with someone who can make you whole, and being with someone who strips you of your sense of being, so much so that you actually lose yourself in the process.
Love. One of the many four-letter words that are so complicated. I guess if it weren't, there wouldn't be half as many reasons to go out drinking in the first place.
Friday, May 28, 2004
Someone I know is living a life she has always wanted. Her husband was never there for her, and their marriage finally ended in an ugly twist. She is now living with a man who seems picture perfect, at least for the time being. She is still getting used to coming home to a man waiting for her with dinner on the table with a glass of wine instead of an empty bed and a trashy romance novel on the nightstand. The only problem is that, for some twisted reason, she has trouble accepting the happiness and contentment of her new life for fear of the disaproval of the people around her.
How do you reassure a person that it is ok to be happy, and that no one is condemning her for finally finding a good man? You can only try so much. The rest, she should figure out for herself.
P.S.
Rats. Just when I thought that I couldn't be in a worse mood, Heart Evangelista just HAS to appear on TV, the annoying little twit. What a way to start my day. Let's hope that the rest of it is better.
Thursday, May 27, 2004
I've been jobhunting for quite sometime now, and I will be the first to admit that I was already on the verge of desperation. After being miserable enough to quit my job of almost two years, I found myself rushing into a then-seemingly great opportunity, which only made me even more unhappy than before. Wow, that was a record. Seven weeks of pure hell. Normally, it takes me several months to reach my limit. All of my options fell off one by one, either due to my fickle-mindedness or lack of sleep (interviewers seem to sense when you've been up all night and it doesn't exactly give off the right impression.).
Going back, I was on the brink of desperation and was trying to convince myself that being a phone monkey wasn't so bad (no offense to the hordes of phone monkeys out there.), when I got an unexpected call from a company I don't even remember applying to. She invited me to an interview for a position I wasn't exactly crazy about (after all, who would want to sell furniture?). I told myself, "What the heck, it's not like my planner is crammed with things to do, aside from 'have laundry picked up and rearrange closet'". After a brief talk with the HR person, I was endorsed to the AVP for Sales. As I stepped in her office three days later, she immediately picked up my resume, looked at me and said, "I think that you would be perfect for Marketing. If they have an openning, would you be interested?" I wonder if she heard the Ding! Ding! Ding! that rang in my head as my eyes lit up and my mouth broke into a wide grin. I desperately tried to conceal my excitement and composed myself as she picked up the phone and called the Marketing Head. The next thing I knew, I was having the best interview in the history of my yuppie life (and by now, I am nothing short of a jobhunting pro.). The Marketing Head of this company is honestly the coolest corporate being I have ever met. She's gorgeous, a vision in bloody red, and judging from the way she accessorizes, I can tell that we have a lot in comon and will get along just fine.
It's almost scary how confident I feel about getting this job. I never even mentioned it to anyone, for fear of having to lick my wounded ego if I end up not getting it. I have been praying for a sign eversince I went on my first interview, and God knows how many times I have been burned. Kookie was right, I shouldn't get desperate and rush into a job that I don't like 100% from the beginning. Otherwise, I fall into the same trap again. Oh well, the sign will come, I am sure. In the meantime, I will make the most out of staying up 'till 3am, waking up at lunchtime, and having all the time in the world to read my books that have been gathering dust on my shelves. It isn't so bad.
I am not normally a bandwagon whore (ok, ok, I DID speed read all five Harry Potter books, but only when everybody stopped convincing me to. It's quite addictive, actually.), but I just realized that commenting on everyone else's blogs is actually fairy amusing. Besides, next to shopping, bitching is my favorite guilty pleasure.
Bitch on and peace out!
About the Author
I have quit trying to figure out the inner workings of God's mind. I have learned to just sit back and enjoy the ride.
Piazza
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